The Harm in Complimenting People’s Bodies on Social Media

Have you ever noticed someone comment “BODDD” or “bod goals” (or something similar) on social media? Maybe even you were the one to write this comment. While they may seem like compliments, these types of comments can actually be incredibly harmful to both the recipient of them and other people on social media. In a society with such high standards for what our bodies “should” look like, such comments reinforce the idea that we must conform to impossible beauty standards in order to feel good about ourselves and our bodies.

When people receive a seemingly positive comment about their body on social media, it may momentarily give them a kick of confidence. The deeper message this comment sends, though, is “You are good enough because your body looks a certain way,” which creates the flawed concept that it is people’s bodies that determine their worth, and only if their bodies conform to a specific standard can they feel secure in themselves. There is then an added pressure to maintain the appearance of their body in the post that received a compliment, when those photos may not have shown how they truly typically look. Thus, an obsession with getting the perfect photo, angle, and furthermore, “perfect body,” is created, and whether or not people receive these comments can contribute to how they feel about themselves. Many fear that if they gain weight, or if they are seen at a less “flattering” angle, they will be seen as a less worthy individual. Moreover, people viewing comments which praise others’ bodies may also feel pressure to change their own bodies to look the same way. Those viewers may worry that if their posts do not get similar comments, then they must be less beautiful or worthy than those who receive comments praising their body.

In our society, we are taught that our bodies and self worth are correlated. The ideals portrayed on social media guide us to believe that we need to change ourselves, and many of us derive our self worth from what other people think of us, especially of our bodies. Unfortunately, in attempting to get approval from others, and from themselves, people often develop body dysmorphic disorders and eating disorders. These disorders are only becoming more common, especially among adolescents and people in their twenties. Influenced by unhealthy trends on TikTok, Katie from Great Neck, NY says, “...Even knowing that it can be unhealthy, I can’t help but ask myself if just a little overexercising or a little starvation could pay off.” Certain body types are so highly praised on social media, and in this day and age, content spreads fast and is accessible to anyone with a phone. The younger generations are most often confronted with impossible norms, and are also highly susceptible to negative feelings about their bodies. Further, they often turn to unhealthy habits like starving themselves and being overly fixated on their bodies because they so desperately want their bodies to look a certain way. As Claire Mysko, an award-winning author and expert on body image, says, “Social media creates an environment where disordered thoughts and behaviors really thrive” and “can serve as a catalyst for more insecurity.” By commenting on someone’s body, people are, even if unintentionally, reinforcing and condoning the emphasis on the importance of people’s bodies meeting a certain criterion.

Unhealthy beauty norms are painted all over social media, and are impossible to achieve. Many images we see on social media are edited, and many models who have bodies deemed by society as “desirable” are underweight and/or battling crippling eating disorders. People are told they should strive to achieve so-called “perfect” bodies, but beauty standards often contradict each other. Women are told to be thinner, curvier, more muscular, but not too muscular, all at the same time. These unattainable standards can be incredibly damaging to people’s health both mentally and physically. Men also have norms they are told to follow, like being more muscular, or thinner, or both. People who do not conform to traditional gender identities may feel like they need to conform to certain beauty standards, and they may be unsure of which to follow. Social media has fabricated the idea that our bodies need to look a certain way, and companies capitalize off of these insecurities in order to sell us products that will make us more “beautiful” and closer to achieving the “desired” body. The truth is, all bodies are good bodies, and there is no perfect body. These beauty standards are ridiculous and hurtful, and commenting on people’s bodies only further feeds into society’s unrealistic, toxic expectations for our bodies.

All things said, nobody is perfect. You may write a comment on social media or even say something in person and later realize that it was in poor taste and was valuing someone based on how their body looked. I certainly catch myself saying things that I later realize are aimed at validating people through complimenting their body. It is easy to resort to saying something about someone’s appearance, but there are plenty of other things to compliment someone on, like their personality or their laugh. If you have a hard time coming up with comments on social media that are not tied to how someone’s body looks, here are some suggestions:

“Your smile is contagious!”

“I love this!”

“I love your outfit.”

“This is so artsy/aesthetic.”

“This looks so fun!”

“I miss you!”

There are even more compliments you can say to people outside the often draining realm of social media:

“Your laugh is infectious.”

“I love how we never run out of things to talk about. It’s so relieving.”

“You are so fun to hang out with.”

“You always listen to what I have to say and make me feel heard.”

“I love how you can always find a positive out of every situation.”

Try to keep an open mind and be willing to learn. There are many comments you hear, or social media trends you see, that you may not notice promote certain body types. Challenge the cultural norms that want people to look a specific way, and think before you comment on social media or compliment someone. Ask yourself: Is what I’m about to say commending someone for having certain physical characteristics, and how could this be harmful to them? If so, find an alternative that does not comment on that person’s body. Additionally, following content creators who promote body positivity can be a helpful way to make social media a more constructive space.

Though it is certainly challenging, being mindful of the impact your words can have, and switching the way you think, can foster a more positive environment in which the emphasis is not on people’s bodies, but on who they are as individuals.