Toxic Relationships: Red Flags and Warning Signs

Sometimes it is hard to decipher what are normal hardships that come with relationships and what is toxic. This is especially true given how normalized toxic relationships are in the media currently. Obviously, there are some behaviors that are clearly unhealthy, but there are also others that are a bit more subtle and difficult to identify. I’m sure we have all told ourselves that we would never let ourselves get into a toxic relationship, but sometimes it happens so gradually you don’t notice, you are just too in love with your significant other to see it, or you just believe the way you are being treated is normal because of the messages conveyed in the media. That is why education on toxic relationships is incredibly necessary; so we can look out for ourselves and for other women.

There are many factors that create toxic relationships. Sometimes the other person is toxic to you, and sometimes you two are just a toxic combination, but it is important to know that you deserve better than that. It is a really good idea for you to let go of that relationship and move on to things that make you happier.

So, what are the signs of toxic relationships? Toxic relationships come in all shapes and sizes and look different for everyone, but I will list out some of the signs that are most common and crucial to look out for.

1. Your partner always finds something wrong with you. Whether it’s offering unsolicited advice on things you need to improve on, or they are never quite satisfied or happy with you.

2. You keep hoping they’ll change. Part of what makes a toxic relationship is not just the toxic behavior, but the willingness of the other partner to stay in hopes of them making a change. When in a toxic relationship, your judgement is usually clouded, and you truly believe that your partner will change. You probably find yourself constantly making excuses for their bad behavior, or you love them enough that you don’t care.

3. They never take responsibility. This is a very common form of manipulation. Whether it’s apologizing and not changing behavior, blaming everyone else for their problems, blaming you for the reason they hurt you. An extreme example would be: “I only cheated on you because YOU were busy.”

4. Insecurity and Lack of Trust. In a healthy relationship, both partners are giving and receiving affection and validation, and therefore they feel secure in that relationship. But being in a constant state of insecurity about your relationship- whether it’s about cheating or breaking up, and not having a good foundation of trust, is a sign that the relationship is toxic because you are not receiving that love and validation.

5. You are not taking care of yourself. This is one that goes overlooked a lot. Your partner should be allowing you to practice self-care and you should feel as though you are able to. A big part of toxic relationships is losing sight of what makes YOU happy and healthy.

6. They’re controlling and excessively jealous. Your partner is constantly questioning your whereabouts and worried you will cheat when you’ve given them no reason to believe you would. They cannot bear the idea of being without you.

7. They shut you down. Fights are a completely normal part of all relationships -- healthy ones included. However, it is only healthy when it includes listening and caring about what is upsetting each other. It becomes toxic when your partner is constantly shutting you down and not wanting to hear when you are bringing up what’s bothering you.

8. They lower your self-esteem. They criticize you constantly and make comments such as “I don’t like your shirt,” “Why are you wearing that much makeup?” You don’t feel confident around them.

9. Your loved ones are concerned. Your family and friends have your best interest in mind, and when they are concerned about the way your partner is treating you, that is a big red flag. Plus, when you are in a toxic relationship it is often hard to see the relationship for how it really is, and having outside perspectives show concern is usually a bad sign.

10. You feel drained. Your relationship literally sucks the life out of you. A healthy relationship should add to your life and make you happier than you were before; not worse. A relationship should not be weighing that much on your mental health.

11. You feel bad around them. You don’t feel like yourself around them and you are afraid to truly express yourself or you feel like they don’t really know you. You feel worse when you’re around them; you think you want to see them, but as soon as you do you feel down or insecure.

12. You feel like you do all the work in the relationship. You feel like you are constantly the one making plans, and you are the only one putting in the effort to make your partner feel loved.

13. They don’t remember important things. Your partner is routinely forgetting the important moments in your life and the favors you ask of them. Obviously, everyone makes mistakes and slips up, but if they are regularly forgetting important moments in your life, that is a red flag; a healthy partner makes it a point to remember these things and support you.

14. They don’t support your interests. Toxic partners often put down your interests and passions, whether that means criticizing your job, your hobbies, your music taste, etc. They might be jealous of you when you accomplish something.

15. Playing games. They don’t follow through on their promises. You never know when you will see them again. They often like you more when you start to pull away.

16. You rarely see friends/family. This could be because your partner does not allow you to see them, or because you are so concerned about spending as much time as possible with your partner. But in a healthy relationship, you will have time for all of your priorities including that person.

These are just some of the signs of a toxic relationship. It is important to know that nobody is perfect, and if your partner forgets you have a really big presentation on one occasion, it is probably just an honest mistake. But it is crucial to take note of a repeated pattern of toxic behaviors and to always be in tune with how you’re feeling in your relationship. It is so important to remember your worth; you deserve to be feeling happy and like your significant other is a joyful addition to your life, rather than someone who drains you or makes you feel bad. It is also crucial to notice these behaviors in your loved one’s partners and look out for them. Sadly, toxic relationships are quite common, but the more we teach about them, the more likely individuals will be able to recognize red flags and get out of rough situations as soon as possible.

Citations

Jones, Alexis. "24 Signs You're In A Toxic Relationship And Need To Let Go."

Women's Health Magazine, 23 Sept. 2019. Women's Health Magazine, www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/.

Accessed 5 Jan. 2021.