"You're Not Like Other Girls"

“You’re not like other girls.” Many girls and women, especially of this generation, have heard this phrase, whether our crush used it as a “compliment”, or we heard it in the Netflix movie you just watched. When people say “you’re not like other girls,” it is usually directed towards women who are strong, independent, and possess more historically stereotypical masculine traits. These include enjoying sports, being outspoken, and not necessarily fitting into the female stereotype (wearing makeup, wearing dresses and skirts, being flirtatious, etc.).

While the phrase, on its surface, seems flattering and innocuous, it is actually not complimentary. Describing women as “not like other girls” reinforces gender stereotypes and expectations in relationships; it is a backhanded compliment. Saying that women do not act like other women implies that by not acting like a stereotypical woman, they are special and valued. Women who fit into the female stereotype are not worthy of this praise and validation.

In addition to being an ambiguous compliment, the phrase may actually create tension between women. The phrase “you’re not like other girls” supports the notion that girls are uniformly similar, and this concept may lead to some girls yearning to be the “unique” or the “special” one. Others might envy women who naturally possess traits that would prompt someone to say “you’re not like other girls”. Since women have been facing inequalities for centuries, we should be supporting and celebrating our diversity instead of diminishing each other for possessing certain stereotypically feminine traits. Saying the phrase “you’re not like other girls” creates a stigma around femininity which historically, society has defined as being weak and dependent on others.

The character Kat in 10 Things I Hate About You exemplifies this “you’re not like other girls stereotype.” The movie draws constant comparisons between Kat and her sister Bianca, who wears make-up and dresses and is depicted as a popular and flirtatious character. Kat is portrayed as moody, cynical, and unpopular, but also is characterized as a strong, stubborn character that speaks her mind, which is not a stereotypically feminine trait. Another example is the character Elle from the movie The Kissing Booth. The other girls in the film are illustrated stereotypically, while Elle is best friends with a guy, and possesses less stereotypical feminine qualities; Elle plays soccer, is loud, and speaks her mind.

The fact is, there is no “standard” idea of a girl, therefore the phrase “you’re not like other girls” is confusing. All of us women are unique not just from each other, but from everyone in the population. That individuality should be celebrated, and sharing common interests with other girls and groups should be honored as well. Just engage in activities that make you happy and be exactly how you want to be! People can be judgmental, so why not just unapologetically be yourself?